OK, friends, I'm going to help you get your body ready for the wedding day in 3 super ridiculously easy steps! Ready???
photos by catherine ann photography
Step 1. Buy a wedding gown. Step 2. Put it on. Step 3. Get married.
It's just that simple.
The other day I read a blog on another planner's website (I'm not pointing any elbows, but you know who you are, jerkface) on their new partnership with a fitness studio with the sole purpose of getting engaged women "slimmed down and fabulous for the wedding day". Seriously. The tagline was actually something like "Lose your big booty in time for the big day!" Aca-scuse me?? Y'all, I've got myself a serious badonkadonk kind of derriere. I mean, it's the kind of booty you can see from the front. So I was just a little offended. Then they had tips at the end for skinny chicks to gain weight so they wouldn't look "wasted away" cuz, ya know, that's how skinny chicks look, right? Ummm, nope.
Now before you go getting all bajiggity, let me tell you that this is not a blog post aimed at bashing folks one way or the other.
So fast forward a couple days and I'm flipping through a super high-end bridal magazine and one of the ads was from a plastic surgeon's office and the model was literally covered head to toe in little red circles highlighting all the things some asshat thought was wrong with her and that she, obviously, should change {insert serious sarcasm font here}. Nose job. Lipo. Botox. Boob job. Tattoo removal. Booty implants?! Are you for real? The chick in this ad was MAYBE a size 0-2, drop dead gorgeous, not a single line, freckle or dimple to be found, had obviously been photo shopped to the MAX and yet, even she should still make a zillion changes in order to fit someone else's idea of perfection. It even suggested that she consult them on tightening her, erm, uh, ya know....her lady junk... Yeah. It went there. My jaw hit the ground so hard it was halfway to Australia before I could blink.
What is that ad saying to all the women reading it? What's it saying to the average sized chicks? What's it saying to all the tiny girls? What's it saying to the thick girls? How about the chicks with tattoos? What if people with tattoos actually {gasp!} like their tattoos?!
Why isn't anyone pissed about this?
Well, guess what? I'm pissed. I'm pissed that anyone would have the audacity to tell a bride-to-be that they should change who they are or what they look like for their wedding. I get it, you want to look your absolute best, right? And if those are all changes you want to make for yourself, I got your back. I'm 100% on board for whatever makes you feel amazing in your own skin, but don't you ever think that you need to change everything (or anything!) about yourself in order to get married. That's just batshit.
You're perfect.
And let me be clear, again, just in case we've got trolls in the dungeon {like my Harry Potter ref?} this is not some skinny/fat bashing blog post so don't bother commenting and taking some uptight, bajiggity stand right now. And if anyone uses the totally overused word "shaming" in conjunction with anything I say on this blog you will get a high five in the face with a chair. You've been warned so go sit down, trolls. I'm not shaming shit (God help me, I hate that effing term). I'm simply telling you that you're absolutely perfect exactly the way you are.
Go take a look in the mirror. You see yourself right this second? That beautiful girl staring back at you is exactly the person your dearly beloved wants to marry. Not the you 20 lbs lighter. Not the you after you've had a nose job and botox and lifts and tucks and this and that. Not the you with with tighter, rejuvenated, vajazzled skiddlyboop. Your fiance loves you. The you with tattoos. The you with no makeup on. The you that hits the gym on the daily and even the you that doesn't. The natural haired you and the you all relaxed and sleek. The you that proudly owns that dookie booty and the you with the teeny weenie toushie. The you who loves junk food and the crunchy, vegan, health nut you. The you who runs for fun and the you who only makes wine runs.
Just you. And I just wanted to tell you that you're absolutely perfect.
Now go buy yourself a wedding gown and let's plan a wedding!
